Lend A Hand -- 10 Things Someone with Fibromyalgia Wants to Hear and 10 Things They Don't

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"Lend A Hand -- 10 Things Someone with Fibromyalgia Wants to Hear and 10 Things They Don't!"

Best Ways to Be Supportive of Someone with Fibromyalgia

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For someone suffering with fibromyalgia, it's hard some days simply getting through them without feeling a sense of pain or sensitivity somewhere on or inside the body.

Dealing with fibromyalgia symptoms can be difficult enough but sometimes dealing with others who don't understand what you are going through can be even harder or can make matters worse. And this can easily become all the more difficult when functioning under conditions such as sleep deprivation, complete exhaustion, fatigue, chronic pain, and brain fog -- and that's just for starters...

Most people who suffer with fibromyalgia have heard it countless times from others around them, including their family, friends, and loved ones, when they make comments such as:

* You're just depressed

* You just need more sleep

* You just need to exercise

* You don't look sick

* Maybe it's all in your head

* and more...

Here are 10 things someone with fibromyalgia wants to hear from family, friends, caregivers, and others, that will help show their support and understanding about what they are going through. As you go about your day and your week, be mindful of ways you can "lend a hand" to somebody you know and care about who suffers with fibromyalgia. Learning how best to support someone you love with fibromyalgia can be something small, or the start of something big.

10 Positive Things to Say, Do, and Support Someone with Fibromyalgia

1. Lend a hand of assistance. Fibromyalgia is painful and causes so much pain; offer to help your family member, friend, or loved one who suffers with fibromyalgia some physical support. Here are some areas they might need some assistance:

• Help around the house is always welcome

• Offer to help them with the grocery shopping or pick them up some things at the store that you know they like or would want.

• Mowing the lawn

• Vacuuming the floor

• Offer to do the dishes when you visit

• Offer to make dinner (and clean-up afterwards).

• Offering to drive them to their doctors appointment, or wherever they want to go.

• Offer to baby sit

• Offer to take the kids for a weekend and give them a rest or much needed break.

• Offer to wash their car or take it to the carwash

2. Lend an ear and some emotional support. We all need someone to listen to us and simply be there as a sounding board for us at certain times. Here are some ways you can offer that:

• Smile and be friendly -- it sets the tone for warmth and caring.

• Ask them if they want to talk. Then, be a good listener.

• Ask if there is anything you can to do help, and mean it.

• Ask them how they are feeling; then listen and hear their response.

• Say, "I am here for you".

• Offer only words of encouragement and supportiveness.

3. Music to the ears. Often, for a person with fibromyalgia, it can feel as though a family member or friend thinks they are just making excuses when they say that they are in pain and don't feel well. Sometimes, this hurts more than the pain they feel physically. Therefore, hearing you say, "I understand" and expressing this in your eyes, can be truly healing to see and to feel.

Call up for no other reason than simply to see how they are. Tell them that you do not want anything from them -- other than to see them get well.

4. Lend some laughter. Having company can be just what the doctor ordered and laughter is truly the best medicine. Bring a movie, watch a comedy, and bring your laughing gear with you when you visit. It might just be the best medicine for everyone.

5. Lend an open mind and leave the judgment behind you. It is best to leave any preconceived ideas at the door in regards to what you think a person with fibromyalgia may need or what you think will benefit them most. Ask first and judge not. They are the ones living in their body and experiencing their pain and symptoms, not you. Therefore, be considerate and respectful and recognize personal boundaries and space at all times. With this attitude you will be showing respect and understanding.

6. Tune in and get on the right wavelength or frequency. Some days the best way to support and assist someone you care about who has fibromyalgia is to be quiet and listen, or to give them their space. Be mindful and pay attention to 'the' space and what you put in it! Silence is golden sometimes and a reassuring glance or smile can take things in the most positive direction.

7. Raise your awareness about fibromyalgia and do some research of your own to learn about what are the main symptoms that people with fibromyalgia go through and suffer with. This can help you to speak with understanding and knowledge and show your support to someone you love. You will also be better equipped to help handle some of the varying communications on their behalf, be it with doctors, other family members, friends, or wherever necessary.

8. Consider pooling resources with other family members and friends so you can purchase someone with fibromyalgia a soothing massage or a day at the spa. Anything that relaxes, pampers, or takes your mind off the pain, is always a welcome treat and relief.

9. Be a great guest and come bearing gifts. Who doesn't enjoy receiving something? When it is much needed or welcomed, such as when you have fibromyalgia, all the better. Take note of and be considerate towards items you know your family member or friend with fibromyalgia could use or will get satisfaction from. It doesn't have to be something expensive; practical and useful gifts are often the most valued. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.

10. Be patient. Life in general may be frustrating for the family and friends who are living or assisting people suffering with fibromyalgia symptoms. However, they are much more frustrating and upsetting for those who live with it every single day. Patience and understanding will help you to get through those frustrating moments.

10 Things NOT to Say or Do if You Want to Support Someone with Fibromyalgia

1. Frustration can cause so many emotional manifestations that family and friends can become afraid to say or do anything for fear of making things worse. When you have nothing positive or useful to say, it is probably best not to say anything as that may make matters worse.

2. Fibromyalgia is real and does exist. Do not tell someone with fibromyalgia that it is all in their head. This is not only insulting but is insensitive and will damage your relationship.

3. Don't ask someone with fibromyalgia if they have tried exercising -- chances are they have and it made them feel worse because their pain is so bad. By all means consider introducing them to a good yoga instructor or invite them to attend an aqua aerobics class but never use force or tell them that you know what they need or is best for them. Chances are, you probably don't unless you also experience their levels of pain and fatigue.

4. It is best to steer clear of sugar or junk food snacks and treats as these can lead to flare ups and bad days for someone who suffers with fibromyalgia. Sugar elevates insulin levels which often will lead to hypoglycemia when blood sugar levels plummets later. This is directly linked to neurotransmitters and chemicals in the brain, and may have a negative effect on moods.

5. Don't play 'topper' with anyone who has fibromyalgia. Topper is where you tell your own story about your illness or health that tops theirs. It is better to simply be a good listener and save your story for another time. Unless it is asked for or is relevant to the conversation at hand it is best to steer clear of telling your health story in comparison to another's.

6. People who suffer with fibromyalgia are not crazy and their symptoms are not all in their heads. Never attempt to tell them otherwise or you may just find yourself on the wrong end of things and there's no guarantee how things will end up from there. This is not the sign of someone who is being a friend or who is displaying an empathizing attitude.

7. Rather than asking, "what's wrong", it is more compassionate to offer empathy and understanding. If you are being mindful and respectful of the relationship, then you will already know what's wrong and don't need to ask. They hurt and are in pain. Instead, communicate how sorry you are that they are in pain or hurting today, and notice how much better you can make things feel with your caring and considerate manner.

8. Don't take it personally when your friend or loved one with fibromyalgia has to cancel your lunch or shopping engagement at the last moment. It is generally because they are in pain or are experiencing a flare up and has nothing to do with how they feel about you. Show empathy and understanding.

9. It is best not to compare your friend or family members lifestyle, energy level, or habits with how they are now to how they were previously. No one would choose to have an illness that causes so much pain and fatigue and completely alters your life and making comparisons to 'before and after' will only make them feel worse.

10. Everyday is different and brings its own challenges and rewards. Don't assume that just because your friend, family member or loved one with fibromyalgia was feeling okay and had energy yesterday, means they will today. Fibromyalgia is like that sometimes, often, the only thing that is predictable is that it is unpredictable. Be mindful and check-in and observe how they are feeling in the moment.

Stay in the present and stick with choosing the best solution in any given moment and you will become a proactive part of the healing process!